I'm a Terrible Parent, and I Don't Even HAVE a Kid Yet

Perhaps it is a morning routine I am not proud of, but while eating my mini wheats I often surf the news channels, usually stalling on HLN news, because I love the erratic, quick paced, headline only style. As a matter of fact, I requested to watch this channel during labor, instead of music. I'm kind of obsessed.


Anyway, this morning was just NOT the morning for the obsessed pre-parent to be watching, I guess. I'm already reeling from the idea my baby might be underweight, despite assurances from everyone AND the doctor. We have an ultrasound next week to check on her. Of course, she's made measuring her in utero an almost impossible task with all her contortions she performs for the doctor. And as the doctor pointed out, I'm a little person. She'd be MORE concerned if I was measuring big because she is afraid I couldn't handle popping out a 9 pounder. My husband and I were both small babies. In fact, I was smaller than my little sister, (who ironically grew to be 3-4 inches taller than me, too). I'm going to have a midget baby. Unfortunately, that still reflects poorly on the mom, who is nurturing and growing the kid. Did I eat too little? Or too MUCH crap and too LITTLE good stuff? Is this related to the time I forgot to take my vitamins? Or the fact I was sick and dehydrated, which can lessen amniotic fluid, which can affect baby growth?? Is it the glass of wine I drank at my wedding???


Well, that's what goes through the anxiety ridden mind of an anxiety afflicted momma.


But then HLN had to put the final nails in the coffin. First, there is a giant recall for Fischer Price toys. Which I had to go investigate what the heck toys we even have since of course, I got them all as gifts, I don't know. I didn't find anything suspicious (I'm still researching a few items, just to make sure, since some things I don't understand the purpose of the recall--like the floor gym for tummy time. We have one. What makes it different than the one they mention??)


But then the kicker... they took away my sleep positioner!!!

I didn't even know I wanted this stupid thing 9 months ago. But then when we started investigating parenting, I read like three articles talking about SIDS and how sleep positioners boasted to help prevent babies from rolling. Early rolling can cause suffocation, even on a bare mattress, if a baby can't move her head (or doesn't move her head), during sleep. Mine even has an elevated base, so that helps with food settling, too, since baby's stomachs are sort of like untied water balloons--it's very easy for them to have reflux of milk or stomach acid. I felt like a very intune, good momma... considering I did my research before deciding to use one. There wasn't a STITCH of bad info out there. Even the American Pediatrics Association didn't say anything bad, persay, just that they didn't have anything to support the claims to say it was better--and that a bare crib was just fine.
So after the FDA decided that these were not safe...
http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ConsumerUpdates/ucm227575.htm

I decided that they weren't safe either (except only 12/13 babies have died from them over as many years, which seems more like user error than anything else). Granted, babies who died were positioned incorrectly, and the product was being used for side sleeping as opposed to back sleeping, which is how we intended the usage, we both feel better making the decision not to use it.
My opinion has long been that cavemen had babies, and some of THOSE babies somehow survived despite not having the FDA and APA and CDC and all that jazz. Most deaths of infants still go back to parents who were not using products correctly (see the sling controversy, which STILL makes me angry) and/or who did not supervise their infant appropriately. It only takes a second, though, I am aware.
We feel better knowing we have one less thing we can possibly screw up, and we will return our positioner tonight and put the money towards those awesomely expensive gifts on our registry no one thought to gift us. ;)
Baby Claire responds to this by thwapping me repeatedly directly in the belly button several times over. Did I ever mention I have an extremely sensitive belly button? And how touching it on the outside hurts, but hitting it from inside is like absolute torture? Good call, kid. Good call.

Finishing Touches

So, I'm finished. I've finished putting stuff together in the baby's room, and I'm officially finished with all my sewing and craft projects that I wanted to have done before baby arrives.
I'm pretty pleased with my progress. First the quilts.
My mother brought me home from the hospital in a blanket she made herself. I had a green version and a blue version. Not to sound like I need even more therapy, but I still sleep with one of those blankets--after wearing out the other one. I figure I've got about ten years left on this blanket before it's completely gone. But anyway, that made me all sentimental and want to make a few baby blankets for Claire. I am not going to pretend that in 30 years she will still be sleeping with one of these things, but I'm hoping they'll still be special and well-loved as she grows up.
I decided to make a "traditional" quilt reflecting some of our color and theme choices. I am not great at picking fabric that coordinates, so I worried this quilt looked too scattered, but it ended up very pretty.
There are all my pretty squares and strips. The thing I love about "traditional" quilting is probably the thing I also hate most--how everything feels like it has to be very perfect. I'm not very accurate at sewing (or cutting, or measuring) so this was really a true labor of love to figure out. It might look simple (and I'm sure to those who quilt, it is, painfully so) but for someone who doesn't like this sort of process, it's a challenge.
Here is the finished quilt. You can't tell all that well, but the yellow fabric is a Winnie-the-Pooh fabric with little bees, the purple is just a swirl print, and the border is a Winnie-the-Pooh theme (our theme is Winnie-the-Pooh, although we had some trouble staying true to it). The back is just the yellow print. The binding is the purple swirl. To quilt it I used my machine and just stitched the ditch. For my first time actually machine quilting, it didn't turn out terrible. There are errors, but I learned a lot on this project that will no doubt help in other projects. Everyone starts somewhere. Still, this is the quilt we've designated as "Baby's First" and will go to the hospital with us.

I opted to make a second quilt, but after the annoyances of the first and the fact I have trouble picking out fun coordinating prints and textures, I bought a fabric set from JoAnne's Fabrics. It didn't feel like it was cheating, because I still had to cut all the squares and pin everything together, it just had the right amounts (for the most part) of the fabric for the actual blanket. I had to buy pink fabric for the binding since they didn't use any on their "pattern". But I like this blanket because of all the textures. The back is the green flannel (also on front), it also features a silky pink and the brown is a soft furry fabric.
I stitched the ditch on the squares on the side, but for the inside of the center I tried my hand at meandering quilting. It turned out a lot better, and I could see immediate improvement of skills from the first quilt. The fabrics are all so different and fun, this quilt secretly has become my favorite. However, it has nothing to do with Winnie-the-Pooh--a serious violation of my theme that I was so adamant over (at the time)!
Finally I took scraps from both blankets and made a little security blanket with ribbons on the sides. I basically threw it together on a whim because I had such small amounts of fabric left, it wasn't worth saving. This isn't going to be big enough for an actual baby blanket, but she'll someday be able to use it to cover her toys, or she can carry it around with her for comfort without dragging a giant blanket around. This is a very small version of both of her original blankets (in the picture it's on the right side).
All three "quilts":
We also finally finished getting everything together for her room. The last load of laundry is in the dryer as we speak, but we hung the blinds and cleaned again just today, so it really feels like we're ready now.
This is the crib. We got a cute Winnie-the-Pooh mobile from my aunt, my father bought the (giant) crib, and the crib set is from my mom. Right now the bumper is in, but we'll remove it when she is older and can use it for pulling herself out of the crib. We have a sleep position-er (it's in the bassinet right now) so even when she starts rolling she won't be able to roll into it. I went back and forth on whether to use one or not, and I decided that the guidelines are negative to loose, ill-fitting, or "broken" bumpers--and that regular, stiff, secured bumpers, until a certain age, are quite safe. Besides, to me it feels like it gives the baby more privacy. With so much going on down below (three dogs peering in), it'll be a nice refuge. Of course, she'll be sleeping in the bassinet for the first few weeks until we get used to everything. We put her room across the hall from ours, but it still seems too far away. Especially for the first few weeks. So until then, the cute baby toys will hold the crib down for us. Oh, and the lamb in the corner is actually a sleep noise maker, so we're planning on clipping that onto wherever she sleeps. It makes comforting sounds "from the womb" (except it has a whale setting... I'm wondering where the whale has been... is that in reference to me?). We may even opt to clip it to her bassinet if we think it'll help.
Both of her dressers are actually bookcases, too. We removed one of the book cases so it could fit under the window, but this one we kept together. As you can see, she has a ton of toys and books just waiting for her enjoyment. We also have valances that match some of the Pooh prints (blue flowers) and it coordinates with purple and pink. So, these will be nice down the road.
My mom bought me a rocking chair and made a Pooh cover for it as well. I decorated further with some adorable blankets from family. The rest of the blankets are in the wood chest under the boppy pillow. I hope that will be easy access for when I'm rocking the baby. I also like the cute pooh lamp for some soft light for reading.
Finally, here is the decoration set up, and full crib/changing table. We have her name up on the wall, some framed pooh art, and lots of diapers (cloth and disposable) all just waiting for the baby. We're really excited. The room feels very comfortable to us and we have a lot of cool new things to use for the baby. I'm hoping she'll take to her new environment well--considering she's always elbowing me for more room, this seems like the spacious space she's been requesting.
As for other baby odds-n-ends, we have her pack-n-play permanently set up in the living room. We put the changing table on it for a nice diaper changing station in the living room. We figure it'll also be nice to have a place to put her if she's sleepy and we are busy. With three dogs, it isn't really feasible to just leave her somewhere on the floor. And the bassinet is already in my room next to the bed so the dogs can get used to seeing it. That won't last long, but for the first few weeks, it'll be nice to ease the worry of these first time parents!

The Baby Book Epidemic

So, my friend Emily made a post on her blog about the books she read and her reviews. I liked it, but I sure wasn't going to write one. However, as more people around me suddenly get pregnant (or I have people asking what books they should get other pregnant people for gifts or recommendations) I figured I could compile my own quick list. Since I read a lot of different books, some more helpful than others, I thought I'd give my own two cents.

Pregnancy for Dummies
I read this on one of my binges at Barnes and Noble (meaning I didn't actually buy it). I read it when I first got pregnant and was scared out of my mind. I initially picked up What to Expect, but I figured that was too official and too detailed for my brain, since I was still taking this all in. It turned out to be fairly entertaining and helpful, but I probably would never buy it as a resource (for anyone else or myself). There are more helpful books. But I figure if you're just looking into the idea of pregnancy, it's not bad to let you know in brief what you're in for.

Pregnancy Week by Week
So my mom bought me this book when I first got pregnant instead of the standard What to Expect. I was intimidated, and I feel like there are some weeks that have a lot of useless information, but I enjoyed having something that kept me updated for every week, as opposed to every month. I kind of made it my weekend ritual to read my new week and note anything I should be expecting or should be concerned about. I'd say that this is probably my MOST recommended book for the actual pregnancy process. Granted there was info in there that *might* be scary to read, but it generated lots of knowledgeable questions I could take to my doctor if I wasn't sure about something, and it certainly helped understand in advance things she'd bring up to talk about, too.

Babyproofing your Marriage

I got this book as a little "at home therapy" or, if nothing else, a marriage book study. Both Matt and I read this to talk about some issues that could or had come up thanks to pregnancy and impending doom of baby. It was really no-nonsense, written by women who'd gone through this and had great suggestions. I think it opened up a lot of communication between Matt and I about things that were sensitive (visiting relatives overstepping boundaries, sex life, chores, etc.). There were things in here that I read that I instantly realized I was doing that I should probably stop. It helped me understand his perspective on things, my relatives perspective on things, and it helped validate some of my emotional issues--my big thing has been/will be this is my new family I'm creating, and I take great offense to people who are not respecting it. I was able to learn some ways to approach this topic with grace, as opposed to flipping out. My therapist was actually really proud of me for reading this and being so proactive, because that's my strategy to deal with anxiety. We developed our chore list based on this (so it's never a question of what actually has to be done, we know). It also helped us talk about some of the more sensitive issues. I highly recommend this. Even if you think your relationship is rock solid, which Matt and I really have a good relationship so I'd say we fell in that category, it just helped to get some perspective on the situation. I thought it was a great pre-baby read, mostly because we had time to read it and could sort of get in the mind set of how we wanted to handle things when they came up BEFORE they became an issue.

The Happiest Baby on the Block
This was a Matt purchase (on Ebay, nice and cheap). We also watched part of the DVD in our child birthing classes. Now, after watching the DVD I thought some of this was nuts (the "SHHH"ing thing still cracks us up), but after seeing it in action on the DVD, I was a lot less skeptical. It encourages swaddling, but has great suggestions for calming a baby. I admittedly haven't read all of this yet, and I only read small parts because some of it seems like stuff I'm not interested in (lets see how many times I pull this out to read panicked at 2am that I can't get the baby to sleep). I'd say the DVD might be better for the expectant or already panicking new parent, as opposed to the book (it helps to have a visual, and it's just plain easier than reading all this stuff). Still... since some of our family members are weirded out by our swaddling desires, it does help validate some of that. In fact, I've actually started to receive swaddling gifts now that I've talked this one up. A friend of mine also read this book and said it was pretty handy. Who knows? If we don't have a dream child who never fusses, this may well become a "can't live without" book.

The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy
This was an early on read as well (another ebay deal). I figured this would be more informative and helpful, letting me know all the dirty secrets of pregnancy that you don't see on Knocked Up. However, it was a pretty "fluff" read. Yep. You poo on the table and you have terrible gas. I know this, and it wasn't helpful to hear them laugh it off. It reminded me a lot of Jenny McCarthy's Belly Laughs, which I read but won't even review because it was just too fluff. And I did NOT like how they took the stance that you shouldn't waste time exercising while pregnant. I thought exercise was very important and kept it up until the third trimester, when I have admittedly started to slow down. I walk still, and climb stairs (at work), but I think a certain amount of doctor approved exercise during pregnancy helps keep your stamina up and your health. I was even doing spinning class at 5 months pregnant. You CAN keep exercising. Your body will tell you when you need to quit. I thought this book was pretty misleading. Baby doesn't want a milkshake--YOU do!

What to Expect...
Yup, I read it. When others have gone before me into the land of pregnancy I thought this book was great. When I got pregnant, it seemed terribly overwhelming. I still don't like how it sections everything out in months, since so much changes in one month (and the doctors now work in weeks, so I wouldn't even know what month I was if it wasn't for this book). I felt like some information was NOT helpful. I still remember though that reading ahead I'd read about someone's water breaking in bed and her wondering if she'd peed or not. I made a joke about it to my then pregnant friend... who promptly had the same thing happen. She was so thankful that I'd brought it up from the book because she didn't know if it was pee or "her waters" either. But really, I thought this book was something I could have frankly done without. Thank goodness we bought it used.

What to Expect When You're Expected
Okay... this was a way better "What to Expect" book, and it is a parody. It was funny as hell. It has no value for any information, but it can sure take the stress off a pregnant lady. We thoroughly enjoyed reading this and having a good laugh. Especially since our little bundle of joy was so "unexpected"... it helped us find a happy outlet for some laughs early on. I'd recommend it, even if you're NOT pregnant. If you're an adult and enjoy parody and sarcasm, well, this is just a great read.

Heading Home with Your Newborn
I just bought this book tonight on a whim. It seems like a really comprehensive baby owner's manual. I've read a few chapters already and it's given some really practical advice and instruction. Even stuff I kind of knew how to do, reading this book gave me lots of great suggestions for how to do even the most simple tasks like diaper changing (I know, someone is laughing right now that I called that "simple"... we'll see). Since I'm starting to switch from pregnancy to full on baby mode, I'm really more curious about what I'm going to need to know when she gets here, as opposed to what's happening to me at this point (and at this point, since all the disgusting pregnancy stuff is in full swing, I just don't care to know any more). I like that it is highly recommended on baby websites and I like how it's from the American Academy of Pediatrics (although some stuff on their website drives me crazy, this book doesn't seem nearly as anal). So far, although we HAVE the What to Expect in the First Year book, this just seems way more manageable and understandable. So I'm enjoying it a lot more. I'd recommend this for first time parents, definitely.

Well, that's my list. I've read a few others and Matt actually likes a few other books that HE picked up being a new and expectant daddy, but these are the ones that I'd say were most helpful for both of us, or just to me. If you're looking for what to read as a new daddy, ask Matt since he's been good about reading on that end. Although I do sneak peeks, just to make sure he's getting info that I approve of (thankfully no chapters that claim something like "she's making this shit up for attention"). I hope it was helpful. I feel like I've got a pretty good meter for what's understandable and helpful. I also am shocked about how many books I've read on the subject. I guess that's why I've been way less panicked lately. Knowledge is power, people. Knowledge is power!