Baby Claire's First Music Video!

I'm getting ready to return to work after two months off, and I wanted to share a few pictures of Claire with my students, but I realize now this is totally long!  I figured I'd just share it with family and friends (and maybe some with my students, but as Matt says, there's a lot of naked baby in there).  I used Windows Movie Maker (of course) but I had a lot of trouble converting the videos.  Apparently I'd just be better off with Windows 7, that was the extent of my "tech help" so I had to convert them on my own.  I actually have a lot of videos, but I got so sick of converting them (silly me, I guess I should have done this all along, I didn't realize they weren't playing on here... like, I swear when I put videos on here before they did play) I ended up just picking a few of my favorites.  Well, there was a cute one of her in just a diaper, but it was a blue diaper, and even I did a quick double take--that's a GIRL, right?  :) 

Claire and I are enjoying our last few days off before I have to return to school and she goes to school for the first time.  I'm a bit torn up about it, since I always dreamed of being a true stay-at-home mom, and obviously that's not going to happen.  At least I get summers off with her!  It's a long way until May though!

Claire's First Christmas!

A Very Grinchy Christmas indeed!

Claire tries for her Grinchiest expression.

Claire's first Christmas was a very successful one.  Even though we had to travel to FOUR different places, she behaved quite well.  However, this year taught us that it will be the LAST time we decide to travel around to so many places on Christmas!  Next year I'm looking forward to a fun morning at home opening our gifts from Santa... and then staying home to play with said gifts for hours upon hours.

Looking less than thrilled on Christmas Eve--Where's my Grinch?

Claire obviously received the best stuff.  On Christmas Eve we had a small get together and she received a copy of The Night Before Christmas, which we read before bedtime, along with How the Grinch Stole Christmas (which is still her favorite... I mean, you'd think someone not two months of age would not show preference, but she seems very happy hearing that book and looking at it's pictures.  Perhaps because they are black and white and red pictures, or maybe, just maybe, I make those voices the best).  
She also received some "educational" literature:

The White on Black book is a favorite that we are putting in our diaper bag for when we are out and would like to read.  The Mizzou 101 book is so she grows up being a smart, educated Tiger!

So then we readied ourselves for Christmas Day.  Claire wore a beautiful red, black, and white plaid dress (her first fancy outfit!) and we had a second dress in the waiting, just in case (and yes, eventually we spit up on the very nice dress).

A brief moment in the Santa hat and "Baby's first Christmas" bib and nice dress.  All will soon go to hell in favor of comfort!

But after a whole day of "Ho, Ho, Ho-ing" around town, Claire had quite the stash of gifts:

Claire's swag.  Note, most of the books DID come from me (I am the English teacher), but she also has lots of cool toys, too.  I'm partial to the stuffed animals, but she got a lot of great noise making toys, too.  Hours of fun (for us, very soon, I'm sure). 

These aren't even all of them!  We didn't throw in her outfits or other baby gifts that are really more for us.  And her Baby Einstein entertainment thingy is still at her grandparents' house--we didn't have room in the car!  Of the gifts so far we've played with the snail tummy time toy (which she LOVES!), her rattle ball, and we've read Green Eggs and Ham, a story from her big book, and the Dog book, which although I didn't think she'd really register what it was, perhaps she recognizes pugs, because she loved looking at it, especially when there was a page that had moving parts, then she'd look with big eyes and smile up at me.  

But her favorites?  The stuffed animals, of course!

It's like playing Where's Waldo

Here I am! 

She also surprised herself by hugging a few of the toys.  She doesn't know how to hug, I know this, but she grows more active with her hands and arms every day.  So in her flailing she got her arms right around Eeyore,  and surprised herself by giving him a big hug.  I had to laugh, because once she did it, she kept looking at him and doing it again.  I think she just liked the way he felt, but still, it's a start!

I like you, Eeyore, but Dad says I can't do any more than that until I'm 21. 

And here is Claire's accidental hug of the Grinch.  By this point, she realized we were taking great pleasure in something she was doing, so she's got a pretty smug look on her face!  We are just completely in love with Claire--what a great Christmas present to us to get to enjoy the holiday through her eyes!

Did you know he stole the last can of Who-Hash?  But then his heart grew three sizes, so he gave it back. 

The Three Wise Bags

Claire after her bath this morning--super stoked about Christmas Eve!

I can finally say I know more about sewing than I thought I did.  Last Christmas I made everyone a standard pair of flannel pants (and much to their dismay, I didn't go to the flannel sale at JoAnne's Fabrics this year, so no one got a pair of pants!).  However, in my quest in all things crafty, I found this pattern for an awesome bag!  I was going to make my own diaper bag, or a school bag, but I'd kind of been shot down on the diaper bag idea, and we already had one.  We really need two diaper bags so I can use one for just daycare and one for us.   But in the meantime, I got a great idea that these would make nifty "Grandma's Day Out" bags for our two new grandmothers!  This way they could have something special to carry when they go out with Claire (of course, they could just use MY diaper bag, but that's not nearly so special).  So I decided on the pattern, and bought some fabric, and came up with these:

The flowery bag is for Grandma Katy and the circle bag is for Grandma Paula. 

A close up... this is my favorite--except for mine, of course.

 So I picked coordinating fabrics for both Grandma bags.  I didn't want anyone jealous or upset about color choice (not that they would be, but you never know, I've made people angry over smaller issues).  I found the fabric at JoAnne's Fabrics, although I'd had my eye on some designer Anna Marie Horner fabric when I'd looked at the bag originally.  After I'd finished Bag #1, I realized that in fact it was a great size, and customizable to fit things like bottles and my phone (I can't find a good place to stick my phone in the current bag, drives me crazy).  So, I sucked it up and got in touch with Sew Fresh Fabrics on ETSY who was kind enough to talk me through the process of buying fabric online--and I did!  And I LOVE the end result:

My new diaper bag!  I love love love the fabric!  It looks so good together!  Who knew I could pick colors so well? :)

My customizable inside--note: I've got 4 BumGenius in here, plus a receiving cloth, wet bag, wipes, a changing pad, a bag of cleaning products, and assorted other goodies inside--more than enough space!

And on the outside, although you might not be able to tell, there are pockets on both sides.  One side is split in half and fits two bottles perfectly.  The other side I left open, which fits a bottle of water (to mix the formula, of course). 

But I wasn't done yet!  We've been trying to use cloth wipes, but found that we needed several more.  Remember all those flannel pants I made last year?  Well, their scraps went to good use!  I also picked up a remnant of fleece and made some fleece liners for her cloth diapers (for when we have to use diaper rash cream, since it'll ruin her diapers if it gets on them).  The fleece was better, because it was no stitch, but I made a ton of wipes (these are just some... we've been wiping with them since I made them, we are totally out of the cute purple ones, so I can't show you!)

Fleece liners in two sizes (for our two diaper types, since one is a little smaller).  And many many wipes!

 And what does Claire think about all this?

Claire's first smile on camera... she's been smiling forever, but it's sort of like Bigfoot--you can't catch it on film to prove it!

Adventures in Parenting: How to Make the Most of the Worst of the Worst

Or perhaps I should title this... "Parenting 101: What the Heck NOT to do with Your CHILD"... or "Don't Believe the Weather Channel"

Anyway, yesterday we had a day of adventures planned for us.  1.  I had a doctor's appointment (I'm cleared!  Finally!), 2.  We had our free car maintenance at Bommarito Volkswagen up in Saint Louis.  3.  We planned to pilgrimage to Cotton Babies, and 4.  SHOPPING!  I love the malls in STL, and I wanted so many things (none of which I found to buy, of course).

So, we did get to do all of those things, baby in tow.  She was doing great.  This was my first big trip with baby, so I felt silly like I was packing our lives away in the diaper bag, but I wanted to be prepared for anything (oh.. foresight).  We got great things at Cotton Babies, I found the vest I'd wanted for half off (I'd ordered then canceled, then went back to reorder, but figured I'd look at them first--50% off!!).  I also am wanting to try cloth wipes for at home use, so I picked up a bottle of wipe spray, but decided I'd make wipe cloths instead of buying them, since they're too darn simple not to make (and I have a ton of flannel just laying around with nothing to do).
But at the Galleria, we didn't find anything, and we needed to get home, so we cut our shopping short.  Not short enough, however.  As soon as we hit the road it started to mist (I'm recalling a Stephen King story about how the mist was deadly... I think I'm pairing it with falling, man eating frogs that came from the mist, but I might be mingling stories here).  Anyway, my dad called from home and said it's bad, stay up there, get a hotel.  No sooner did I get off the phone, it WAS bad, so bad in fact, we didn't know exactly what to do.  We'd made it to I-70 (for those not local, that's the highway that cuts through the state, and takes us home), but cars were sliding left and right (and right off the road, and into other cars, etc.).  So we tried to make a "hasty" retreat to a gas station, only to get stuck on the off ramp.  The car was sliding so bad I just threw it in park and sat there.  It was too slick to even get out of the car to walk... and oh we'd made it so close to that gas station/McDonalds.  A very nice, saintly gentleman was walking back to the highway and helped us maneuver the car up the rest of the ramp (he literally stood at my window, guiding the car--he could push it... since we were on ice and all).  We got to the station and found out in fact I-70 wasn't an option--a few semis had jack-knifed, blocking the way, and they were shutting the highway down, at least for a while.  Many people in our situation were simply stuck all night on the highway in their cars (we only had a half tank of gas, which used to be my definition of "basically a full tank"... we'd have never lasted all night on that though!).  So we settled in, did a diaper change and a feeding and discussed options (there weren't any).
The baby was a dear.  She loved the lights in the McDonalds, so we just kept her happy and kept checking for news about when we could leave.  My diaper bag was pretty stocked--I had 3 disposable diapers, plus 4 BumGenius diapers (that's a good day/night of diapers, if not more), so we were set.  I also had 12 hours of formula or so, but at midnight we gave her her last bottle, so I started to get scared, as we weren't leaving yet.  Now, Claire's normal feeding schedule was just about the same... we always give a late night bottle and then make it till about 5 a.m.  So, I figured we had a few hours, but with our situation, who knew when we'd get home!  I also realized that I'd ill-packed one item--wipes!  I never really do diaper changes on the go, so I had no idea how many we had in our little travel pack, but realized at the gas station that we were down to our last two wipes.  I started to panic, since they didn't have wipes or formula at the gas station, but I remembered my earlier purchase of butt spray (and our easy access to napkins!) and was at least relieved I wouldn't be dunking and flushing my daughter in a seedy gas station bathroom to get her clean.

Well, we called the hospital for advice on what to feed her (we got a big fat--don't do anything but formula) so we started to re-access.  We were at mile marker 200, there was a Wal-Mart at mile marker 193.  We found out from some locals that the south service road was passable, so we could get there.  It kind of felt like the Zombie Apocalypse, discussing rumors about where people were headed for safety and which places were impassible.  Minus the zombies, of course.  I was apprehensive about leaving a known safe place for the unknown, because if we got stuck, well, then, what?  We filled up our tank and headed out though, because the promise of Wal-Mart and formula was too strong a draw.  We made it there (it took about 30 minutes to make it 7 miles) and basically made Wal-Mart our house for a few hours.  Poor Claire had thrown up part of her midnight bottle and was gooey with formula, so she had a little impromptu hair wash and outfit change in the Wal-Mart family bathroom sink (I have travel cleaning supplies in the bag, clever me, plus a change of clothes, plus an extra hat).  We also immediately bought some formula, for just in case.  Then we strolled around Wal-Mart--they had a really neat selection of stuff there, not like our normal store, so we found lots of stuff we probably should have bought, but didn't (you don't need baby toys during the apocalypse, right?).
We unfortunately were NOT getting any updates at Wal-Mart, it was sort of like a dead zone.  So I took a brief "break" in the car (parked in the lot with about 100 semis, not even kidding), and we finally heard through MoDot's hotline that they'd cleared the highway so it was open.  We ran to a gas station on our way out and asked, sure enough, they thought we could make it.  Now, normally from that exit (it's also, little known fact, the home of the closest Jack-in-the-Box to where I lived in Columbia during college, don't ask) it takes me an hour flat to make it home.  Well, it took us about 2 1/2 hours to get home... getting us home just after 5, which was exactly when Claire woke her pretty head up and started fussing for a bottle (we never even needed the extra formula, thank goodness). 

NOW the story is funny, and kind of wonderous, but at the time I was freaking the "eff" out.  On my own I'd have been scared, because that's the way I am.  I don't talk to people.  With just Matt this would have been an adventure.  It'd have been kind of fun in a weird way.  With the baby... well, it was one of the scariest things I've ever been through.  Amazing what being "responsible" does for the psyche.  I was just impressed I packed so well, in the end!  Now I'll never make fun of myself for packing like we'd be gone for two days, as, we almost were!

Our lovely Planet Wise wet bag held all our dirty diapers with no stink or mess.  The baby slept great in her car seat (and since she has to sleep elevated anyway, it actually worked out better than most nights--she slept like an angel).  Even though our iPod jammed (with the repeating tracks of the vacuum playing, which is her "lullably") we had static from the radio and the new Taylor Swift CD... which she adores.  So she was happy as a clam.  Other than US being extremely tired when we got home, for her it was as if nothing had happened.  I never really realized she'd actually developed a bit of a pattern to her daily routine until we were out and about and she held to it.  Now I'm even a little relieved at knowing when I have to go back to work, I already have her in a set routine of sorts!

I think for any parent this would be scary.  Just remember, Wal-Marts are the best place to get stuck because they have everything you'll ever need.  Second best places are gas stations with McDonalds built in.  If we'd made it to a hotel, we'd have had a place to rest and sleep, but still no supplies (not that we actually needed any) but still--it's better to have stuff and little comfort, than great comfort but no stuff.  That's the moral of the story.  Oh, and don't believe the stupid reports about a "chance" of glazing on overpasses and bridges.  What they mean by that is, don't, for whatever reason, leave your house, ever.  So, there you go.  That was our night of horrors.  At least there weren't any actual zombies.  (And if there were, Wal-Mart DOES have guns and ammo... so... just saying).

How Time Flies! What I've Figured Out So Far...

Claire will officially be 6 weeks old on Wednesday.  Can't believe it!  I'm sure most people who know me well figured I'd never last.  Well, the teenage years quickly approach (so it seems), so stick around and I'm sure you'll witness many a melt-down.

These are just some of the things I'd never think of or know before I was a Momma.  It's amazing what having Claire has done to my patience, my ability to function on little to no sleep, and my gag reflex!

1.  Sometimes even though I really really love cloth diapering, I wish I'd used a disposable.  Those times are when I'm hunched over the toilet trying to spray out a diaper and questioning whether or not it's a new one or used... therefore it would be okay just to throw it away, right?  Right?

2.  Sometimes ingenuity finds you at your weakest moments... meaning a sleep deprived momma can indeed rig a sleep sack to not block breathing, BUT still hold in the pacifier.  That's skill.

3.  It probably doesn't matter that she's just peed in the bathwater.  I'll call it Eau de Claire.

4.  That Alice in Wonderland movie with Johnny Depp is NOT the movie to watch when you're up all night with a crabby baby watching movies to keep you awake.  I don't know if it was just that terrible or I was just that done with putting up with bullshit.  Not a ringing endorsement, is it?

5. On our most trying days... the baby is clean, neatly dressed in a wonderful outfit, has every feeding in and written down... I on the other hand, haven't showered (or better yet, got in the shower but didn't have a chance to actually break into the soap or shampoo before we started screaming and I had to get out), have formula dried all over me, and can't remember if I've eat or brushed my teeth all day.  The lesson?  Avoid mirrors, it's fine.

6.  Baby socks are such crap.  I mean really.  If I can't manage to wrangle my own socks, my husband can't stay in his socks, how in the world am I expected to keep her socks on her and keep them together after wearing?

7.  Probably an addendum to #5... I think the dried formula grains that I get all over are probably useful for exfoliation.  Don't you think so?  I mean, didn't royalty used to bathe in milk or something?  So... this isn't a far cry for that, is it? 

8.  You never realize how much you don't really need to run to the store to pick up a few things when you also know you have to drag the baby with you.  Don't have one essential ingredient for dinner that would take a max of five minutes to grab at the store?  Frozen pizza for dinner for all!

9.  I bounce and rock so much for the baby, I find myself bouncing and rocking without her.  It's weird.  I look like I have a problem.  I'm hoping to tame this before I go back to work.

10.  And... sleeping to the sounds of a vacuum and hair dryer are soothing to babies.  You can download these tracks of it and have it play all night.  And surprisingly, it helps the dogs and us sleep better!  I don't know how I never noticed this before.  When I was a college and a neighboring apartment would start up their vacuum I'd be so angry.  Now I can't hardly sleep without it!

I've learned plenty more... but these were just fun things that I think of and discuss with Claire all day (we have pretty sophisticated conversations, actually).  In all seriousness, I enjoy being a parent, never thought I'd say that or see the day.  Actually, I never thought I'd see the day I had to wash laundry just to get clean sweat pants... or the day (week) I wouldn't bother with make up or other "essentials" from my pre-baby days.  I wouldn't trade it for the world!  Well... maybe a little eyeliner and mascara wouldn't be out of line to ask for!

The Furry Brothers and Sister

I haven't said much about the dogs through all of this; trust me, they aren't forgotten. They've definitely had to adjust to their new living arrangement though. I never thought I'd have to sacrifice time with the dogs being a new parent, but it's hard to juggle a pug, plus two normal dogs, plus a baby (and winter weather doesn't help, because that shuts down our outside outlets anyway... the hairy dogs don't mind, but Wally gets cold... and somehow this year it seems an even bigger hassle to bundle HIM up for the weather too before we go out).

So, the dogs' reactions:

Wally seems the most amiss. I am his people, so my time being consumed in baby land has cut his attention (but not the love, which is what I try to tell him). He does notice the baby, and he appreciates her about as much as he appreciated when my belly was huge and got in his way. Lots of snorts and grunts... he's a pug, pugs make noises all the time. At night he gets cranky and will snuggle with Matt instead of me if I have to keep checking on Claire. He has given her a few kisses, and he'll look at her... but mostly he's just interested in ME and ME time. He will sit nice around her though (posing for pictures is still a far way off). Tomorrow if the baby disappeared he wouldn't be concerned, as long as I was still here and had kibbles. I'm hoping when she gets a little more aware and can show him attention, it will melt his heart. Right now we call him the Grinch (since we're reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas a lot). Wally stole the Who-Hash! (You should hear this in HIS voice... laugh riot).

Dang! Are you freakin' kidding me? All this fuss over this thing? She can't even eat kibbles! Wally is way better! Now get me some Who-Hash already!

Mogwai, who we thought wouldn't even be aware the baby came has been the most doting and sweetest dog. He loves to be close to Claire and loves to look at her. He always comes over by me to just see her and check on her. Since we are rooming in (lots of people/dogs sleeping in my room all of a sudden) Mogwai will pop up (not as much now that he realizes I have things under control) and check when she cries. It's almost like he's looking from me to the baby telling me I need to get on this... the baby needs something! He's such a sweet and docile dog anyway... I'm almost worried Wally will have a run for his money as Claire's favorite. He's not much of a snuggler, but it's so cute when he's on the couch and will lay his head right on her boppy (she's always in her boppy it seems, for the elevation) and sleep. Cute cute.

I can has baby?

Muriel is acting pretty much like I called it. Granted, she's been a lot nicer than I thought she would be, but she's pretty melodramatic. Of course, since the earth hasn't opened up and swallowed her, she's starting now to be a bit more calm. She does sleep downstairs now, instead of upstairs with us. She likes to look at the baby and check on her (and I've never seen any ill will from her part, but I also KNOW my dog... she can be very mean for no reason, so for now she's not really getting any baby action). We've tried (TRIED) to make it not seem like the baby caused these changes. We'd been cutting back on activities and time with the dogs, and even sleeping arrangements, prior to her arrival. So I'm hoping Muriel won't just blame the baby.

Muriel doing what she does best... sleep on the couch where she's not technically allowed. Oblivious to all things baby, but waiting any moment for us to tell her to get down, when she will dramatically leap to the floor and pace around because there is no place to sleep or sit other than the couch, as the floor is secretly coated in some kind of dog killing poison and as soon as she lays down, it'll kill her.

Overall everyone is doing well. I like being a parent and having a baby, but sometimes I miss the whole lifestyle before when my "kids" could be locked up for a night and I could go get a nice glass of wine. I'm hoping eventually (that I'll get another glass of wine? no...) that the dynamic will be more adjusted and now Claire can be their biggest playmate and we can sit back and enjoy the frolicking. For now I think we'll be fine though... Grinch and all.

The whole happy family... most nights (if you could come over and not send the dogs into panic mode to greet you, this is what you'd find.)

Postpartum Momma Work-Out Notes

I love working out. I won't lie. I don't usually enjoy it at the time, but I always feel better. I stopped going to the gym during my third trimester because I was simply too exhausted to continue working and working out. So I've been hankering to go back post-baby, with the realistic expectation that I'd be starting off at square one again.
Only, I didn't realize there was a whole NEW square one--as in, square one with a bullet--the new post-baby body.
I've got some weight to lose, yes. And I've got skin, extra skin for days. I'm just now four weeks out from being pregnant (and no, I've not received the "official release" from my doctor... but I was told I could reasonably do whatever I felt like doing... stress on "reasonable").
So this is the plan: squeeze eyes shut tight, buy all bigger pants, throw away scale.
No seriously. My plan is to slowly start back on the things I most enjoyed pre-baby: spinning, jogging, weight lifting (won't start this until after my "official release"). But the more I try, the more I realize someone needs to give a few guidelines to us new moms on what the hell NOT to do. For instance:
1. Jumping jacks. No seriously. I've always hated them. But I was trying to do the Jillian Michaels Shred work out or whatever... it's OnDemand. And she wants me to do jumping jacks. So I say to myself, "Self--you're doing this, your ass needs it" only to find out, no. Jumping jacks are a big fat no. I felt like an adult diaper commercial. No.
2. Running fast. You just can't. I had flashbacks to my waddling ways during the last few weeks of being pregnant. My legs felt like they were going to split off my body Barbie style. So I stopped trying to "run" and jogged. I felt less athletic, but my hips (which still hurt) thank me. Start slow on things that involve balance and impact.
3. Back Exercises. I've always had a bad back. Yes. So I know the importance of what a good back and core exercise can do for you. Unfortunately your spine is out of whack after a baby. So the ol' back doesn't want to participate. I actually had been having backaches just to get an email from one of those parenting websites asking if I had a backache (why yes, I do, why do you ask?) and it explained the sad truth. So, I've been wearing this thing to help contain my sad deflated belly and it also helps support the back. Do NOT do back or lifting (or squats, or jumping jacks) without this thing. Miracle band. That's what I call it.
4. Sitting and Exercising. Did you have a baby the "natural" way? Just remember, you're putting that all up on a hard bicycle seat. Spinning will be back, oh yes, but I'm not even trying until my release. I "sat" on a seat to see. I was still optimistic. But after my soreness from jogging, I realize that would probably be like having a second baby a month after having my first baby. (You'd think my generous behind would help cushion that or something... wasn't that the point in getting so big in the first place? The comfortable seating?)

So... there you have it. That's what I've learned this week trying to work out. Oh yeah... those big baby books and big pregnancy books work great for starter weights. Truth. I got quite the work out at home with just a few of those suckers to lift in lieu of actual weights.

Working out will be fun again. Some how. But I have this great baby to show for it... and if I keep using my moby wrap, no one will be able to see my belly. :)

One for All the Nay-Sayers--Cloth Diapers Rock!

Well, thanks to the education of our friend, we decided that cloth diapering would actually be a feasible choice for our family long before Baby Claire made her entrance to the world. I personally hate the idea of disposable diapers (and trust, after having a baby, the mama care has sealed this deal as I feel sometimes I'm wearing the adult version, and I can't stand that either). Cloth diapers have come a long way, as I've tried to encourage my family and friends to get on board, I keep pointing this out.
We built our stash on bumGenius 3.0s and 4.0s, FuzziBunz, and a few odds and ends diapers that we picked up free through all this shipping. I didn't plan ahead for what to do for a newborn, knowing full well she wouldn't fit in these right away although we'd been assured otherwise by other cloth mammas. I'd actually came up with a wish list of some covers and inserts just for newborns, which would have cost right at $100, but could be used from birth through at least a few months... but I decided not to invest in them, hoping we'd fit in these a little early:
A shot of the inside--note how it just looks like a regular diaper for the most part--no weird folding, folks! Rest assured!

Well, when Claire was born (at a whole 6 lbs, 13 oz) I started to worry because most guides say these one-sizes (which is short for one size fits all--these diapers go from birth to potty training) start right around 8 lbs. And at the rate we were zipping through disposables, I saw that I'd have broke about even with my purchase of newborn cloth if we didn't do something. So after her belly button fell off, almost immediately, we wet through a couple of our disposables and had a mini-blow out situation. I was getting quite frustrated--disposables are supposed to be BETTER, right? Isn't that what I keep being told? So I threw a bumGenius 3.0 shell (no insert) over her disposable just to contain the mess and low and behold, it worked. So that got me thinking. I decided that even though she was barely back to her birthweight (we had some issues, see older posts) and no where near 8 lbs, we'd give it a go. I used the newborn inserts, and dug through some of my inserts from our "well-loved" sale adventure to find some thinner ones and we got started.
Since some of my 40 diaper stash are actually "well-loved" (used, if you will) diapers, I've had to do some work to make sure that the diapers had a tight fit for her little booty. Our new diapers have been the best, but since we don't have a ton of newborn inserts, it's silly to just keep trying out diapers once we have about 20 that work for us already in rotation. I've not had any trouble with blow outs since, nor have I had any leaking to report (although a few times we've had the diapers on wrong, so that's kind of our fault, not the diapers).
What I can report is that I love cloth!! I used disposables for almost 3 weeks, and she's one month old Friday, so I'd say I gave it a fair shot for both kinds, and although disposables might be easier (not that much easier, seriously), the cloth has not been the hassle that everyone has promised. I wash diapers about every other day (since really, you shouldn't let them sit longer than that). We've had some issues with changing formula that I've gone back for some disposables just because I knew the kind of poo I was in for and I did NOT care to look at it longer than I had to, but her poos in the cloth diapers are really easy to deal with. We DO have the diaper sprayer (which has a learning curve... we've sprayed about everything thing in the bathroom including the dirty diaper) and disposable liners which have made clean up a breeze. Smell is not an issue. We use Country Save laundry detergent and I have some Rockin' Green which I plan to use about once a month once we really get going just as a good deep clean, since it also removes any detergent build up.
Claire got a diaper rash (almost immediately, I might add) from disposables, which I spent a lot of time and extra diapers trying to clear up. However, I've not had any of those issues with the cloth. I'm still really evil-eyeing the Pampers Dry-Max, since when we switched to Huggies, and then cloth, the diaper rash cleared right up.

So there is happy Claire in her bumGenius 3.0. It's actually not on all that well, since I was mostly concerned with her crying at the moment and trying to get the picture, instead of worrying about fit (see? Parent failure, not diaper failure!) We've started using regular inserts instead of newborn inserts for overnights, but the fit is actually pretty good. We are appreciating the hook and loop (fancy for velcro) instead of the snaps right now, simply because we can get them a little tighter and it's pretty hard for new diapering parents to master snaps in a timely manner at 2 am.
I just wish more parents could try these diapers out! Once you realize how easy it is to do and keep up with, I don't see why more parents don't take this route. Besides, her big fluffy bottom is so cute!

The Not So Womanly Art: A Painfully Sad Decision is Made

So.
When I first thought about raising baby Claire I knew I wanted to breast feed. I did all the research. I couldn't argue with the facts that a baby exclusively breast fed for the first 6 months (or preferably year) was a healthy, happy baby. I knew I'd have challenges because I've had a breast reduction (nearly 10 years ago), but I really wanted this to work out.
I read The Womanly Art of Breast Feeding, and was even inspired by the story of a woman who only could produce a teaspoon of milk a day--but she still did it religiously just to give it to her baby. I thought if that woman could make so little, but then still keep with it, certainly I could do more.
Well. I was wrong.
Over a week ago we were started on a feeding schedule of every 3 hours. I would feed for about 30 minutes each time. I kept it up for a week--no formula--thinking it must be working because there was pee in a diaper or poo in a diaper--count it.
Then we found out yesterday that in fact it hadn't been working and Claire dropped in weight. Again. So in effect she might have been getting a little, but in reality I'd basically starved her for a week.
So yesterday the doctor and a lactation consultant coached me to start feeding every two hours, plus supplementing with formula, basically around the clock. So between last night and today's hour long meeting with the LC, my schedule became every 2 hours, 10 feedings a day--10 minutes on each breast plus 15 minutes pumping plus feeding her 2 ounces of formula (or the difference of formula to expressed milk to equal 2 ounces). I understand that feeding a baby is daunting and time consuming anyway, but that routine takes nearly an hour, which gives me an hour off in between feedings.
Unfortunately, however, my milk supply is only diving. Today so far through pumping I've produced less than 2 ounces (and by the end of the day, we'll have fed the baby 20+ ounces of formula, plus those 2 ounces). Each time I pump (every 2 hours) I get less and less milk. Claire also sucks at sucking. She doesn't suck hard enough or long enough and just falls asleep. I'm a pacifier. Perhaps it's nipple confusion (thanks Boone Hospital), perhaps it's just her style, but we can't fix her sucking ability--there isn't anything actually wrong with her to fix. But we can figure, just feeding 10 minutes off of each side, even though that should be more efficient than pumping, she's maybe only getting 1/4 of an ounce during her actual breast feeding (and that's a big maybe).
So all day today I've just gotten less and less milk through pumping. I've had pain in my breasts through all of this--the 3 hour feedings weren't much better, but I felt like I'd gotten over that hurdle of pain with the nipple soreness. However, now my breasts just burn. I feel like an overheated, dry engine. My whole chest feels basically on fire. No infection. No clogged duct. I'm just sucking everything I can out and there isn't much there to suck. I imagine I could get more milk out of a squirrel (or Matt--Matt has nipples, can I milk him?... It's from a movie, people).
So.
Looking at this daunting feeding schedule that basically is literally sucking my life away, I've come to a crossroads. With my schedule I only now see Claire when I'm feeding her. On my off hour I can do such luxurious things as go to the bathroom, get a snack, clean the pump, get a drink, and change the channel on the television (or try to take a quick nap). Then I start everything over again. I realize that I'd still be feeding often just using the bottle, but at least it wouldn't take an hour and it wouldn't hurt and I wouldn't sit there crying for an hour because it sucked or crying through the next hour because the next feeding was looming and it hurt too bad to imagine starting up again. I can't even get out of the house. Where can I go in an hour? And I certainly can't do this on the road--there wouldn't be much of a point.
I realized after talking to my mom and Matt that I'm not enjoying this. And it's not like I'm talking a few ounces to increase my supply--I'm talking from going from 1 ounce to 20 ounces. Not really possible. I can see where perhaps this would be worth it if I was trying to increase one or two ounces... but I realize in the short run, I might bump up another ounce, but I can't keep at this pace (and when I return to work, I certainly can't pump every two hours, so what would happen then?)
So with a frowny face and lots of tears, tonight I decided to hang up the pump and call it quits. I won't say I don't feel like a terrible mom. I still kind of do. But I know realistically no amount of trying is going to fix this problem, and with my current schedule I'm a terrible mom anyway because it's not like any of this time is quality. It's work. And I resent the baby and myself because I feel trapped and well, in quite a bit of pain.
There are plenty of women who, for whatever reason, make the decision not to breastfeed. Even those who are perfectly capable of breast feeding. I won't lie, I harbor a bit of anger towards them now... probably mostly because they had a choice of what they wanted to do. I don't have a choice, and formula isn't what I wanted at all. I just have to come to terms with the fact that in the end I still have a happy, healthy baby with formula or breast milk. And she wouldn't ever get enough breast milk to be self sustaining. And now I have freedom--I can go places! I can feed a bottle at Barnes and Noble sipping on coffee or go to St. Louis (which I'd originally wanted to do this week for some early (and less populated) Christmas shopping). I don't have to be chained to the outlet and the pump.
I'm not 100% happy with the decision--we made quite an investment in this and I put a lot of pressure on myself to provide something I thought was so vitally important. I feel bad just getting fed up and throwing in the towel. But I don't see anything changing in a week--except Claire, and how many of those changes am I going to miss because I was busy pumping and feeding for an hour at a time.
So that's my story. That's my decision. I feel conflicted. I feel a bit ashamed. I feel a lot hurt that we never got the support to help us from the get-go--support that would have perhaps helped me ease into this mindset, instead of me just giving up like this (and feeling strangely like there was still a glimmer of hope, if I could just pump one more time, maybe that'll be the time I'll just start pouring out milk).
But I'm excited to hang out more with the baby. And do more with the baby. And in the end, she won't remember any of this at all, but I'd rather have memories of good times.

Baby Photo Shoot

We only have the teasers right now, but we can't say enough for Heather Lynn Photography. We began researching photographers this summer and Heather had really affordable packages (I just can't see spending upwards of $1000 on baby pictures for a year--they're nice to have, but I'm sure that money could be put toward something that the baby actually needs). With her prices, we could afford to have several more photo shoots!
We spoke with her while still in the hospital and set up for 6 days out of womb. She arrived on time and brought lots of goodies--but she also called ahead of time to see what we had to use as well--That's service! I was glad to offer up some blankets and hats (all hand made).
Behind the scenes:
You can't tell exactly what's happening, but we actually asked Heather to pose Claire with our high school yearbooks and some Jays items. Since we both went to high school together and were friends for most of that time (which is how we're here together now) we thought it was special. It also is nice because I work for that school district, and it's the school district she will attend barring any unplanned changes in the next few years.

Heather was really good at listening to our suggestions to help make our pictures more personal. I've dealt with photographers before who would have poo-pooed this idea and just did the "standard" shots--so my baby would have looked like everyone else's! However, she was really eager to make these pictures special--posing Claire with our yearbooks was one way to do that!
At Matt's suggestion we washed up my baby blanket to see if we could use it in the photo shoot. Little known fact: I still sleep with my baby blanket. Every night. Kind of embarrassing. So we showed Heather and she was excited to try it. That's what Claire is wrapped with in the basket, and also what she's propped up on in the red hat photos. It looks perfect! I have no idea how Heather made it look so cute and sweet. I keep looking at that blanket and these pictures and wondering how it's the same thing!
The red hat photos are some of my favorites! I made the hat from a pattern from etsy only a few weeks before she was born. I didn't really know if I wanted to use it for anything, and it's not necessarily user friendly (especially since it's getting colder--it doesn't cover the head the way some other hats do!) but I thought it was cute.
Heather had quite away with our newborn; she even showed us a neat trick to get her to shut her eyes by stroking her finger down her forehead and nose. I had no idea babies would do that!

Heather had a lot of great ideas and interesting angles. When I saw her taking these pictures I couldn't even imagine what they'd look like. However, this is absolutely adorable! Heather was so kind and nice and patient! Can't say enough. Even when Claire tinkled on the side of a back drop, it wasn't a big deal (she also peed all over my hands... so... I guess you have to be thankful for what you get... could have been HER hands AND her back drop!)
Heather spent around 2 hours with us total and took lots of different pictures and poses. We were really excited to get our teasers yesterday (so timely!) just so we could start sharing and talking her up.

If anyone is considering newborn photography, I highly recommend Heather. Professional. Kind. Patient. Everything you'd want in a photographer when you're inviting her into your home only 6 days after having a baby!

Thank you, Heather, for making these wonderful memories for us!

Some of Baby's Favorite Things... So Far

So Baby Claire hasn't even been here a week, but she already has her favorite things. Some of these were items I very much wanted before she was born... and some happen to be happy accidents as to how well she's taken to them, but trust me--these are life savers!

Moby Wrap
I felt like such a hippy, but I adamantly wanted this wrap as a carrier for myself (Matt felt like it was a little wussy for a guy to wear). I wanted to wear my baby as much as possible. Hands free option was the way for me! My mom always tells the story of how she tried a carrier with me one time and I screamed holy terror and she never used it again. Luckily, Claire wasn't against this from the start--in fact she loved it! We mostly use the cradle hold for snuggling and the newborn hold for our walks, but it holds her nice and secure and I can crochet with her in there and walk all over with her (and she hasn't taken to the stroller nearly as well... and the stroller is such a hassle, this has been a blessing!) We even hit downtown today briefly and (maybe a little too much info but...) I had to go to the bathroom, so I just took her in with me in the wrap and did just fine! She slept the entire walk, but we were very comfortable and happy.
Baby Einstein Crib Soother
I didn't know that I wanted this thing, but at the last minute we thought it was cool and added it to the registry. We had a mobile already (which I figured was the same thing really) and we were going to get the Sleep Sheep (coming up!), but Claire's grandma got this for her anyway. The first time we put it on in the crib Claire got this super goofy expression on her face and just stared--I imagine she would look much the same if you could hypnotize her. We've been using this now for a little Mommy Daddy time--like dinner, or rest, or showers (funny how our Mommy Daddy time has been reduced to these "luxuries"). With the monitor on, we know we have at least 20 glorious minutes of baby-free time (and with the handy dandy remote, if we can catch it in time, we can start it over and extend our time even longer).
Halo Swaddle SleepSack
Another thing some family "frowned" at and wondered if it'd work or not. Claire was actually delivered to me in one of these after her first trip to the nursery. I felt better knowing it was hospital approved! My grandfather (who also bought me the Moby wrap) got this because he'd read up on how important swaddling was. We actually got a second one (in the picture) from Boone Hospital that says "I'm a Boone Baby". We used this early on for breast feeding because Claire really likes to ball up her hands and cover her face (funny, this is why we couldn't get any ultrasound pics at our 35 week check up, too). It was a life saver! We also use it for sleep and to comfort. We are glad we have two, because we've been using the heck out of them. We can actually swaddle with blankets, too, but the swaddle sack keeps her feet in but not wrapped so tight. In the blanket, she often stretches and kicks her legs until they're free (funny... we did a lot of stretching and kicking and toe pointing in the womb, too... it's cute to see her doing things out of the womb that I recognize from when she was on "the inside").

Sleep Sheep
This thing I just thought was too cute. I found it at Barnes and Noble in Columbia and loved it. I've always liked white noise machines or soothing sounds machines (although haven't ever had one of my own). I liked the idea that it was something we could take it places as well as use it around the house. Well, initially we didn't know where to use it, since Baby Einstein was working so well in her crib. We are rooming in for the first month or so, so we put Sleep Sheep in the room with us (and we are ALL enjoying him). But then my good friend Carissa (my personal breast-feeding Nazi, who is going to get some kind of reward in heaven for talking me off a couple of cliffs so far) told us to try this during our feeding time to get relaxed. So now Sleep Sheep travels with Claire and I every night for our feedings. He clips right on the rocking chair, too, so it's nice just hang him up and let him go. I am a little freaked out by the "whale" sound setting, but the rest are nice. We're really liking either "ocean" or "rain" settings. He also has a "heartbeat" setting, but I'm not so keen on it, but she seems to enjoy it (wonder why).
I'm sure we'll find more things that we love and highly recommend. But right now, these have been our LIFESAVERS.
I'm currently working on "perfecting" the "Womanly Art" of breast feeding. I'm going to post on that soon--I've learned so much this last week--craziness! There is so much to learn as a new parent. I'm really proud of Matt and I for taking in everything and tackling every obstacle with grace and composure so far. We are very much in love with our new edition. I can see why people have more than one baby! But right now--we're going to enjoy the heck out of ours!
Claire Approved!

We Have a Baby Claire!

So, this Wednesday (November 3rd) we headed out for our 6 am induction at Boone Hospital in Columbia, Missouri. They checked me and just to confirm the suspicions of my previous post (which since then, I've added Castor Oil to the list), I was still only at 2 cm. We started Pitocin by around 6:30, and I started having contractions. The contractions weren't bad at all, and in fact, were the same pains I'd been having all weekend, so now at least I KNOW I had some contractions on my own. I wasn't allowed breakfast, but I had hourly popsicle or jello allowances. As you can see, early on in labor, although uncomfortable, I was still in a mildly entertaining mood:
The doctor came at noon to check me, and I'd progressed a bit, but she decided to break my water. Not only was that quite possibly one of the most painful moments of labor, but I felt like the world's most giant zit! Silly me, all this time worrying if my water broke when I felt the slightest dampness. They're right. You KNOW when something like that happens! I'd been happily bouncing on a birthing ball until that point, but I couldn't imagine moving after that, since I was leaking everywhere. Well, I didn't get my way and they threw me right back on that ball. GROSS.
So after about 4 more hours of bouncing, my labor took a turn for the worst. I'd been having strong contractions, strong enough to do breathing and a little whimper now and again, but I was fine. I really wanted to do this drug and epidural free. However, then my contractions became irregular. Meaning, I'd have a nice almost 5 minute break, then have 2 or 3 contractions literally right on top of each other (like, NO break), and those would last for around 4-5 minutes of constant pain. I started to panic because I couldn't get calmed down in between those short contractions and the big break wasn't enough to make up for it. As it was going downhill quickly, we made the decision to skip the drugs to take the edge off and go right to the epidural. I was still thinking I had maybe 2-4 hours left of labor and I didn't see me making it that long with that much pain, and still having energy and focus to push. I wept through the epidural (mostly because it was scary and hurt, but also because I was going against exactly what I'd wanted, and I felt I was getting cheated). I only felt that way for a few minutes and I took another blow. I was STILL at 4 cm. So then I was a little happier about that epidural since I still had so far to go.
A few hours later, still at 4 cm, we got the talk about a c-section. Basically, I wasn't dilating any more. There could have been a lot of reasons, but the plain fact was, the baby didn't like the contractions (especially the same ones I didn't like, which hadn't resolved themselves). There was already a c-section for 8 pm, so I was going to wait until 9 pm to have mine, unless I showed some progress (it was after 7 at this point).
When the doctor wanted an update in an hour, I'd made it to 5 cm. I was hoping that was enough progress to keep me out of surgery, but I knew better. However, my contractions had picked up so much that I could literally feel them through the epidural. It was NOT comfortable. It was BEYOND pressure! The doctor wanted another update (I'm imagining so we could just seal the deal on c-section), and at around 9 I'd made it to 9.5 cm! I was ready to push by the time the doctor got there and all my birthing things were assembled. I dilated 5 cm in 30 minutes! When I started pushing I was scared because I thought it was going to be terrible. I couldn't believe what I was doing was good work! I pushed through around 4 contractions and skipped one or two to put a monitor on the baby's head to check her pulse, and then she was out at 9:53 pm!
She had the cord wrapped around her neck twice, so I was really scared, but she came out very pink (or at least, much pinker than we'd been prepared for) and she started squealing right away.
Right away she was pretty observant and looking around, only squealing occasionally. I was trying to focus mostly on her, since some pretty scary things were going on "down there" for me! We all bet on her weight (I lost, I picked my sister's birth weight because I'm ever so hopeful she won't be a short little lady like me). Here's the winning score:
She came into the world weighing 6 lbs, 12 oz, and 20 1/2 inches long (which IS longer than I was, so, maybe she does stand a chance at being a little taller!).
Here is Momma and Baby Claire all done after 16 hours of labor:
At this point I just felt sleepy--my eyes were so heavy! I wasn't sweaty or anything from labor (I don't sweat a lot though anyway, so, take that as you wish).
Baby Claire was taken to finish up her shots and work, and I took a break. We actually couldn't spend the night together because she'd inhaled a lot of fluids and was coughing up a lot and I basically keeled over trying to get my first trip to the bathroom to get cleaned up, so I wasn't in any shape to be jumping to help baby (I was kind of upset about this, but I guess they were right).
So in the morning we were reunited and Matt and I were able to marvel at our little creation. We think she looks a lot like me, but has his nose! She was so peaceful yesterday and slept a lot. We were so excited to show her off. My favorite feature is her eyes! Right now they're blue, and we're hoping they stay, but Matt has brown eyes (with a recessive blue, from his dad) so we do have a shot. But I just love how she opens them and looks around. This is my favorite face from her, thankfully, she looks at me just like this a lot!
Also in this picture she's wearing one of the hats I made (the green hat is from the hospital). She LOVES this hat. She's been wearing it all day today. I've got to find time to make a few more, since some of her hats are a little big, and she likes the flaps over her ears.

We were a little disappointed with the "premiere baby hospital" of central Missouri. Although labor and delivery was great, postpartum was another story. We didn't receive help when we asked, we were constantly referred back to these stupid videos over and over again, instead of having questions answered or demonstrations given from the staff. We DID get a cute Swaddle Me swaddler that says "I'm a Boone Baby", and a hat, and some cookies... but I don't think that quite took the sting out of some of the treatment we received.

Matt was great through the whole ordeal. He was supportive, sweet, and helpful. He let me dig into his hand during the epidural, he cut the cord, and can change a diaper! He has been super attentive to baby Claire--I think he's officially wrapped around her little finger! I'm very glad I could share this experience with him. You know it's love when even the scariest moments aren't so bad because of the person you're sharing them with. Claire is very lucky to have such a good Daddy!

Now we're home, not even 48 hours old! Baby Claire is trying to adjust, and I'm sure we'll have more to report. Right now though, I'm pretty sore and tired, and she's having trouble taking everything in. Of course, right now she's sleeping next to me on the couch, so, that's a good sign, right?

We're just so very excited and blessed. She's so adorable. We are very lucky parents.

Old Wives Tales Don't Work, Do They?

I don't think there is a woman who reaches her 39th week of pregnancy and starts to mourn the idea her 9 months are almost over. Me personally, I've been ready to end this for 5+ weeks. To me, the idea that I can count to my due date on one hand (and after today have spare fingers to pick my nose), is horrific.
So what's a girl to do?
Hit the internet.
Old wive's tales are all over the internet. I've peaked at them, and seen them listed in my books, but I've never had the slightest interest in any of them. Until now. Because short of a crow bar and a plunger, I see no way to end this stalemate. Now suddenly, some of these ideas don't seem so stupid. They seem hopeful! They cry out from the screen as a flashing neon sign to freedom! So I've been trying a few this week. Obviously since I'm still pregnant (STILL PREGNANT), none of them have worked. I didn't even dilate more. Picture my face at the doctor's office when I proudly rattled off all the stuff I've been doing for the last week, so I'm SURE I'm more dilated, just to have her inform me that unfortunately, no I'm not, and that doesn't work in all cases.
So here is a fun (FUN... sarcasm) list of things I've tried, or for now ruled out, for you to laugh at what my last week has looked like.

1. Football Game
This is mixing a lot of elements. An important event (to look forward to, to fear missing, etc). Missouri played Oklahoma this past Saturday. I've gone to all the MU home games, however, it's gotten progressively harder. I love it so much, I can't not go. So I packed up my black and gold and got my butt to Memorial Stadium, imagining all the while I'd have my water break or start contractions, and I'd never even head home after this. Turns out all that walking, screaming, jumping, cursing, cheering, and standing and sitting abruptly did nothing. This is where I started to doubt that walking helped with contractions. Because if I could walk that distance and climb that many stairs (and run/speed walk to a very sexy port-i-potty right in front of my dad and husband like I didn't even CARE that it was a port-i-potty), and I didn't have one contraction, I should have known something was up.
So. Important events? High stress? No baby.

2. Walking in General
We've been taking walks every night. I even walked around the mall between doctor appointments yesterday in Columbia, when the doctor promised (PROMISED) I'd have contractions because of my exam and who knows (quote) it might just jump start something for me (*expletive(s) deleted*). Between the walking from Saturday, then the walking all week, I should be so dilated the baby falls out. I guess it's good exercise. And it's been fun to go on such lovely walks with my husband (we don't take the dogs, just in case something awesome happens, because I'm not walking them back between contractions).
But walking? I think it helps when you're close to labor. For me? Big zero.

3. Spicy Food
I've never been adverse to spicy food. However, I've never had heartburn like I've had in pregnancy, which has made me question the use, purpose, and idea of spices on any food ever again. I can't eat strawberry jelly, people. I've gone through an industrial size container of Tums. So at this point in pregnancy I've basically been avoiding the terribly spicy, just to save the heartburn sure to follow. Throwing caution to the wind, however, my husband made mildly (mildy my ass) spicy hamburgers for dinner this week. Lots of spices. I will say that my fears about heartburn were confirmed when nearly 24 hours later I still felt like I was burping fire, but no baby. I'm not completely done with this torture (yes, you heard me, I'm going back for more), as tomorrow, barring a baby tonight, we are going to Bangkok Gardens for lunch. I haven't had that food in a long time, for good reason. I'm excited because I love it. I'm more excited because maybe that'll smoke the baby out. I wonder if Tums stumps that process... because I'm bringing it with me.
Spicy food? Going back for more, but I'm pretty sure it's just because I'm hungry.

4. Sex
You heard me. How a whale can even imagine having sex, I don't know. I now am not so surprised that scientists and marine biologists and whatnot cannot catch certain species of whales mating. There can't be one graceful, pleasant thing about it. And I was right. And it didn't work.
Sex? Ahahhahahahahaa... might get the baby in there, but sure doesn't get the baby out.

5. Castor Oil
I didn't try this. Not that I've ruled it out. I'm getting desperate. But they warn on the internets that castor oil can cause just plain upset tummy (and the baby doesn't move, and you don't move from the toilet).
Still, it would give me something to do to pass the time.

6. Nipple Stimulation
Sounds easy enough, until you read into the nitty gritty and find out it's for 3 hours a day over a 2 week period. Who has that kind of TIME?? I did (shamefully) try this alternative thing I've only found in print once about heating up a towel and putting it on your breasts to help produce oxytocin or whatever. I used a blow dryer and a blanket. It was warm, which was nice. For all the terrible things I've tried, this was by far the easiest. However, just like all the other things I've tried, it didn't work. I've also tried taking scorching hot showers. I didn't specifically read about this helping, but hey, it's been cold in the morning.

So... basically that's where I sit for now. Still pregnant. Not nearly so hopeful as when I'd started the week. I know babies have to come out. But I really thought one of these things would work. Especially when you hear real women swear by one of them. I think every woman is different, and I think a lot of times these work when you're really close to push you over the edge (me, I'm not even in walking distance of the edge, despite all the walking from this week).
So. There you go.

New Hats, Same Crochet

So, my hat infatuation continues. I'm not sure what my obsession is--hat making has apparently become my hobby. Or my nesting. I'm excited that I was able to teach myself to crochet, so that's probably part of the problem too. My grandmother, as I've mentioned, crocheted quite a bit and was very talented. I am by no means in that league. However, I feel a connection just that I'm able to do it now, and I can follow simple patterns. These are some of the latest hats I've made. I used one of my old dolls for a model for them (I've unearthed all these old cherished toys and washed them... she looks pretty good for being nearly 30 years old, doesn't she?)
This hat came from my Stitch 'n Bitch Happy Hooker crochet book. I didn't want to attempt it before because it seemed difficult with the ear flaps. The directions didn't seem to make sense, but I just threw caution to the wind and did what the book said. What do you know, it turned out to make an actual hat. Here's a close up:
Then I went to ETSY and bought a few simple looking patterns. I'm not big into the website so I don't know all it has to offer, but it seemed really appealing to purchase something and get the patterns in my email the same day. I bought three patterns; I've made two of the three hats so far.
This is my favorite. It's a pink and white stocking cap (it's really hard to see the pink in the pictures... even with our new awesome camera. I think the pink I picked was too subtle, but it looks really cute in person). I made the 3-6 month size because the pattern said the newborn size wouldn't really fit past the first few weeks, and I really wanted this to be a hat to be used rather than just for a few cute pictures. However, after looking at it, I think it would still work early on for photos, even if I have to clip it in the back for a better fit. I don't think I'll make a smaller size, but I do want to make a red and black one and a yellow and black one for football games next fall. I figure with our football infatuation, Claire can wear these and support her favorite teams. I'd love to make a Christmas one before this Christmas because that would be too cute for our first trip to see Santa, but we shall see. Time runs short. If this is just a terrible fit, I might consider making the newborn size for Christmas. I'll wait and see though.
I made two of these jester hats, also from etsy. This multi-colored one is SUPPOSED to be the 3-6 month hat, but it looks huge. I hated the pattern. I actually had to email the seller to give me more specific instructions because it seemed like I was doing it wrong. Turns out, it's just a stupid pattern. It also eats up quite a bit of yarn (one of those times where I think a double crochet stitch would have been better than a half double crochet... less rows... less tight...). But the masochist in me wanted to make TWO!
THIS is the "newborn" size. It's STILL huge! Granted, I used a much thicker yarn for this (which is what makes it look so big, it's very thick), which I bought before I knew how much yarn it used. It's really heavy, but it's cute and warm. I do NOT recommend using this type of yarn for anything that requires stitch counting. I basically had to just assume I was doing it right because I couldn't really get a good count on stitches or rows. If I was smart, I'd have made notes and tallied the rows, but I didn't realize it would be an issue until I'd already lost count. I mixed in white for the trim and white for the tassels, just to break up all that purple. I originally wanted to make myself a matching scarf out of that yarn, also with the white trim (because I love little fancy scarves), but I'm practically out of yarn now, and I hated using it. We will see if I get daring enough to buy more and try it as a scarf, but right now I'm satisfied to never make this hat or use this type of yarn again.

I still have one more pattern I'd like to try. It's your basic beanie hat but it has ears you can put on it. There are so many possibilities! I thought about a cute pink and white one for Easter (if I can figure out how to make longer ears, that'd be even better). It would also be more practical as an every day hat with just tiny ears. I seem to have this impression that babies MUST wear hats... it seems every picture I have of me little has a hat. I'm sure I've made enough hats (plus bought enough hats) that my baby will never grow hair now, and I could probably sell half of my hat collection and still have a hat for every day of the week, but I'm trying to reason that it's helping me learn the stitches and is a hobby. It's fun to make them though!